Myth 9: Demisexuality/Grey-asexuality/Asexuality is sex negative



I think the fact that my posts have gotten attention and praise from fuckyeahsexpositivity is enough to suggest otherwise. That said, this myth needs to be addressed in great detail.

Sex positivity does not mean unrestricted sex. It doesn’t mean that in order to be sex positive you must never say no to sex. It means that you respect the sexual choices that all people make (as long as there is mutual consent, of course). It means that sex is not associated with shame for people who enjoy a lot of sex, as well as for people who only have sex under specific certain circumstances. Even if someone chooses not to have sex, they are not inherently sex-negative for doing so.

Not experiencing sexual attraction is not sex negative. It simply means that someone is not interested in sex. That does not mean they are judging someone else’s sexual decisions. Just because people do not have sex, or do not experience sexual attraction* does not mean they take a negative view of sex in general.

* I’m asserting that these are the same thing, they may correspond with each other, or they may not.

Bolding my favorite part. I mean, all of it’s my favorite part, but that part is my favorite favorite part.


Not liking sex doesn’t equal not consenting


There was a post in the ace tags that went something like this “I didn’t like the sex but I pretended to to see you happy”.

And (non-aces) went off on it. Saying it was creepy, that “violating your boundaries” is wrong, etc.

But…it never said anything about boundaries, or not wanting to do it. How is it lying about boundaries? I don’t understand.

Just because you don’t like sex, doesn’t mean you cannot consent to it.

It seems like asexuals are damned either way - if we don’t have sex with our partners, we’re terrible people dooming them to celibacy; if we do have sex with them, there’s something terribly wrong with it, and we’re being abusers (trying to emotionally abuse the non-ace partner by saying “I didn’t really like it” and make them feel bad, as if they’re hurting you)